A Day Online

Note: I actually created this a while back, I just never actually posted it. (I did send it via email to some friends/family, though.) Now, although somewhat outdated, I finally got around to posting it here.

So, there I was, standing in the isle, trying to make up my mind on what I should buy to protect my new, $1800 Quad-Core computer, which runs Microsoft Windows Vista Ultimate. I wanted to be safe from all the threats there are on the Internet. So, after a while, one of the guys that works at that Best Buy store came over to me, and asked if I needed any help finding anything.

Well, two and a half hours and $440 later, I ended up with a ID Vault, McAfee Total Protection 2009, Webroot AntiVirus with AntiSpyware & Firewall, Windows Live OneCare 2.0, Trend Micro AntiVirus plus AntiSpyware 2008, Norton 360 Version 2.0 Premier Edition, and Kaspersky Anti-Virus 2009.

After installing them, I decided to do a full system scan with each of them. There was no malware found in any of the scans. So, happy that I was able to figure things out for myself, I went online to download a copy of Photoshop, since I love to edit digital photos, and I've always been told that it is the best program for doing just that.

So, just like my training has taught me, I went to Google, and searched for places I could download Photoshop. I was looking at a few differents sites, one of which was Adobe, and the prices were too high, so I tried searching for download sites that had Photoshop for free. I got lots of results, and even I found one where I could download the product key for free, too!

Surprising, after my download started, I got a pop-up box from Norton AntiVirus telling me that my computer was infected. What the heck! Photoshop!? Who would have thought? Also, the Best Buy guy was wrong – it didn't pop-up in the lower-right of my screen as a little yellow box, it popped-up full-screen as a red and blue flashing window. It must have really been bad, too, because there were twelve exclamation marks after the part that told me I had an infection.

Anyhow, I proceeded to immediately stop the download and scan my computer again by clicking the button to run a full system scan that was in the middle of the pop-up box. It walked me through the process of downloading a program called Vista Antivirus 2008 – it must be really good to, because it said it was the only one I'd ever need. Too bad the guy at Best Buy didn't know about this; I could have saved a lot of money.

So, as I continued to browse the Internet, I saw a banner on the right side of the screen telling me that if I could shoot the burglar, I would get a new laptop for free. So I aimed the target and clicked the mouse, just as he popped up into one of the upstairs windows of the house in the picture. I got him! Wow, first shot, too! Anyways, it took me to a page where I had to sign up for different offers before I could claim my laptop, so I did. Finally, after spending about $832 on the online offers, I was told my laptop would be shipped to me in six to ten weeks at no extra cost. Even though it wasn't quite free, I'm sure it was worth it, because it said the model, an Acer Aspire ONE, had an MSRP of over $1999.99.

I decided to check my email before I went to bed. I was amazed at what I found – my email address had won the Nigerian National Lottery, the equivalent of $9,990,995.51! All I had to do was respond to the email with the proper information. The email address was a different one than the one I received the email from, though. It was explained in the email that this was for confidentiality reasons, which was fine by me; I'd soon have almost ten million dollars in my bank account.

So, sending the lottery person an email with my full name, birth date, bank account number, marital status, gender, height, weight, race, eye color, driver's license number, and social security number. Then, finally, I went to sleep, happy with my accomplishments of the day I had.

The moral of the story: Protective software is worth nothing if the user is too naive to make use of it.

Disclaimer: All trademarks/brand names/et cetera are property of their respective owners. This post is meant neither to side with or against any mentioned products, but rather to illustrate a point in a humorous manner.

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